I wrote a few versions of this post, none of which seemed quite right because they sugarcoated things. To be brutally honest, right now I am just really sad.
To recap: we moved to the San Francisco Bay Area over five years ago and in that time, we managed to create an amazing life. We paid off all of our debt, we bought a house, we had good friends, and we could go to the beach whenever we wanted to.
Then, a few weeks ago, everything changed. My husband got a "great job opportunity" (read: the kiss of death for the unsuspecting spouse) that could pay off financially in a few years. At this point,
though, I’m not sure that was a good enough reason to pull up stakes. Now we’re in L.A. and I don’t entirely understand why.
So right now I’m not feeling particularly creative. Who was it that said good writers are all depressed alcoholics? I can’t write shit when I’m feeling depressed. Anyway, here are my thoughts on sadness, in no particular order:
- Since we moved to the West Coast, I’ve drifted further and further from my family. Sometimes I feel like I’m not even a part of my family anymore. It hurts.
- I wake up thinking about how much I love my husband but also how much I hate his career.
- I feel guilty that we’re living in another apartment and that the dogs don’t have a yard to run around in anymore.
- I miss our hometown (the one we left almost six years ago). When we left, I was pretty unhappy because of my career troubles, but we had good friends and I saw my family much more often than I see them now.
- I miss my job. For once, I was happy to go to work in the mornings because I loved the people so much. I still have the same job, technically, but I work remotely so I don’t see my coworkers anymore.
- I miss our home. We had been fixing it up before we moved and we had planned on starting a family. Now I’m not sure what’s going to happen.
- I miss my friends.
- I wish money didn’t matter as much as it does.
- I feel like I have no home.
- I feel lost.
I hope everyone reading this is enjoying more stability than I am right now. If not, how are you getting through it?
Signed,
Harried and Hopeless
Is your current job law-related?
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't practice law in any capacity anymore. This is a good thing. :) I do still occasionally dream about winning a big case against a corrupt corporation or something like that, but I think that's something everyone fantasizes about.
Delete@ Recovering lawyer: thank you so much for your reply. It's not so much that you practice law, but that you are happy doing whatever else it is you are doing.
ReplyDeleteI've heard that roughly 50% of law school graduates never technically 'practice' law - i.e., go to court, litigate, etc. That accurately describes me.
I was doing a little research about loneliness in the law and I saw your post. I don't have anything particularly useful to offer you by way of advice, but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I can identify with how you're feeling and I hope that you're able to find a way to make it through with a smile on your face. I'm rooting for you...I hope you can get a little encouragement from that!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the kind words. It makes me feel so much better to know other people can relate to what I'm going through. Things are a little better now, but I'm still getting used to my new city.
DeleteI was doing a little research about loneliness in the law and I saw your post. I don't have anything particularly useful to offer you by way of advice, but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I can identify with how you're feeling and I hope that you're able to find a way to make it through with a smile on your face. I'm rooting for you...I hope you can get a little encouragement from that!
ReplyDeleteAs a non-lawyer I really enjoy your blog & thank you for all of your wonderful writing and helping me avoid law school! If it makes you feel any better, I feel like a gypsy whenever I look at my Amazon account for delivery - it is several pages! All of the moves after college were for work ("temporary" travel turning into weeks, months and in 2 cases, several years). Has it paid off? Most definitely! I got away from a'holes that were driving me nuts and I was lucky enough to have the freedom to leave! I'd be in a straight-jacket by now as most people in management do not have the I.Q. to supervise ants. Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your positive perspective on moving! I agree, it is nice to travel and experience new things and not be too tied down to a humdrum life. I'm sure once all the moving drama is over with, I'll be eager to start our next adventure. :)
DeleteHi Angel, I ve silently been reading your posts for a while now. I can very much relate to your stories. So a message to you: keep writing, keep living.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading, and for your encouragement. It really helps.
DeleteI hope you are well. I stumbled on your blog(s) after researching about student loan payoff.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope you are okay. Are you?
You don't know me but I am inspired by your bravery and hard work. And i've really enjoyed your blog.
Antonea
Thank you so much for reading and for sending me good thoughts, Antonea. I'm ok, just still adjusting to my new life. I know I'll probably love it here eventually, so I'm trying to keep that in mind even when I'm sitting in gridlock on the 405. :) Thank you again for reading my blog and for taking the time to write some kind words.
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